Do you ever feel down, depressed, gloomy, or glume due to negative self-talk? If so, then you are in good company. But before diving into how to change negative self-talk, let’s first answer the question What is negative self-talk?
What is negative self-talk?
Self-talk is the ongoing conversation everyone has in their heads. Negative self-talk is internal chatter that is bent toward catastrophe. When there’s the possibility something bad could happen, negative self-talk will awfulize and catastrophize the situation. Negative self-talk turns minor, mole-hill-sized irritations into mountains by convincing us the work possible scenario will occur.
Can you identify your negative self-talk?
Everyone engages in self-talk, whether they are aware of this or not. The bad news is that our inner chatterbox leans toward the negative. And this is why our chatterbox must be tamed!
Negative Self-Talk and How to Change it
Are you looking for examples of negative self-talk? Then you’ve come to the right place. Here is my personal example, followed by common negative self-talk examples.
Just over fourteen months ago, I published my first blog post. I vividly remember sitting at the kitchen table with my laptop in front of me. My finger hovered over the “submit” button. Had a snapshot been taken of that moment, you would notice I was deep in thought. From the contemplative look on my face, you might have wondered if the button I was about to push armed a destructive, nuclear device.
Publishing that initial blog post was not easy. “There are so many reasons that you shouldn’t start this blog,” mumbled a nagging chatterbox inside my head. I thought back to when I was in graduate school. I applied for a job as a teacher’s assistant. The initial interview went well, and I was invited back to take a simple grade school test to ensure that I had the necessary skills for the job.
I breezed through the exam’s math and history portions, although I felt less certain about the spelling section. A few days later, the school invited me back to retest. “We think that you would be an excellent addition to our team. Would you mind retaking the spelling test? It is the only piece that you didn’t pass. You were probably just nervous, and we’re sure you’ll get it this time.”
Confidently, I returned and retested that same day. Unfortunately, I never heard from the school again.
Common Examples of Negative Self-Talk
Examples of negative self-talk include:
- You’re not good enough.
- Why try? You’ll just fail anyway.
- Others are better at this than you are.
- You can’t.
- Don’t bother. You’re only going to fail anyway.
- I’m a failure, and I’ll always fail (This is known and personalizing and globalizing the situation. These are especially destructive forms of negative self-talk and are seldom true).
In short, negative self-talk whispers, There is something fundamentally wrong with you!
My Negative Self-Talk
Spelling and grammar have always been challenging for me. Yet, this is only one of the reasons that I never should have started this blog. That annoying chatterbox in my head persistently whispered:
- Jed, you are far too busy to start another project.
- You have enough problems of your own. What makes you think that you can help anyone else?
- You’re not a writer. Jed, you didn’t go to school for this.
Do you get the point? Chances are, you have a negative chatterbox in your head too.
Our Inner Chatterbox: The Angel and Devil on our Shoulders
Cartoons depict the inner chatterbox by placing a miniature angel and devil on the shoulder of the protagonist. My all-time favorite “angel and devil scene” is in The Emperor’s New Groove
I can relate. My inner chatterbox has plenty of character too. It is:
- Persistent
- Pesky, and
- Can be incredibly convincing
In cartoons, the angel and devil scenes end with violence.
- The devil pokes the angel with his pitchfork.
- The angel finally gets fed up with the devil’s shenanigans and fights back.
- The main character grows weary of the devil’s plotting and flicks him away.
It’s worth noting that these two characters never disappear on their own. The relentless bantering of our inner chatterbox continues until a decision is made.
How to Fight Negative Self Talk
Wondering how to fight negative self-talk?
You’re reading this blog. So it’s fairly obvious how my story ends. The chatterbox screamed, Jed, you’re too busy, a terrible speller, and have far too many issues of your own to help anyone else. Yet, on this particular day, I flicked the negative voices away, placed my finger firmly on the “submit” button, and this blog began!
Looking back, I’m glad that I didn’t wait to begin blogging until my spelling improved. I am happy that I didn’t allow life’s business or my own challenges to hold me back. What I recently noticed is that I am learning along the way.
- Though far from perfect, over the past fourteen months, my use of the English language has improved.
- In regard to time management, life keeps getting busier. Yet, despite this, I continue to find creative ways to keep up.
- I’m also reminded that people connect best to other imperfect human beings.
The fact that I have challenges of my own is not pushing people away. Far too many resources promise, “If you follow these easy steps, then your life will be perfect.” I am content, not add to the self-help noise that over-promises and under-delivers.
In short, I’m glad that I didn’t listen to the negative chatterbox in my head.
The good news is I changed my negative self-talk, and you can too.
You and Your Chatterbox
The challenging part about pushing past this negative dialogue is that there is often a grain of truth to our self-doubt. Nevertheless, letting fear hold us back is rarely helpful.
Often, the best way to fight negative self-talk is to take action. Move toward your goals and learn along the way. You might also fight negative self-talk by asking the following questions:
- Is this thought true? (Often, it’s not).
- How else could I see this? (Perhaps the situation is not awful, but an opportunity to learn new skills and grow).
- What is good about this? (Are there hidden positives you are overlooking?)
These three questions are excellent ways to fight negative self-talk. When your inner chatterbox says, You failed, try whispering right back. I succeeded in learning and growing. And have become a better person as a result! That is how to fight negative self-talk and tame your inner chatterbox fast!
I’m writing this particular post because I think that there is a good chance that your story is similar to mine. Even if the negative voices in your head are right, and you aren’t good enough… skilled enough… or fully prepared, there is no law preventing you from starting now and learning as you go.
Continue the Conversation
Use the questions below for additional reflection and discussion. Or, keep the conversation going in the comments below.
- Can you identify times when your negative self-talk held you back? If so, when?
- What is your inner chatterbox saying right now? Can you recognize its voice?
- If you have become especially skilled at flicking away the devil on your shoulder, how do you do it?
- What advice would you give to someone asking about changing negative self-talk?
- Do you have an opportunity to tame your chatterbox by taking action? If so, what will you do, and when will you act?
- What other self-talk questions do you have?
Jenny and I are always on the lookout for ways to add more value to you. So let us know what questions you have and how we can add to this post to make it even better. We can’t wait to hear from you!
P.S. If you enjoyed this post and are looking for additional resources, you might want to check out, Crash the Chatterbox: Hearing God’s Voice Above All Others
Yup. For me it was my dyslexia (http://www.dustinfife.net/blog/writing-with-dyslexia/), along with a host of other thoughts (am I the only one who thinks this stuff is good???).
Press on, press on. Yes failure sucks, but not knowing if you would have succeeded is far worse.
Hey Dustin,
Thanks for commenting and for sharing this part of your story. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who struggles in writing. I would have never guessed that dyslexia was a challenge for you–Especially after hearing about your five-book publishing goal. In fact, knowing what you are doing, in spite of some of the excuses that you could have, inspires me to want to work harder. I’m excited about following you on this journey!
Thanks! One other thing I thought about–I always have my computer read my text to me after write. (On a mac, you select the text, then hit command-esc). I have caught SOOOO many mistakes when my computer reads what I actually wrote rather than what I intended to write 🙂
Great strategy Dustin! I don’t think my PC will do this. However, I am going to add it to my list of reasons that I need to upgrade to a mac 🙂
Good advice, Jed. I remember my first post also. I’ve often considered deleting it, but it reminds me of my roots. So many changes!
Hey Jacqui,
Thanks for stopping and joining in the discussion. Yes, I feel similar about some of the early posts I’ve put up. It is however, incredibly fun to look back and see the growth and changes that have taken place. For me personally, it’s also a nice reminder that, slowly-but-surly, we all improve with practice 🙂
I need to read that book. This was my difficulty at first as well. My grammar was really bad. I had to take english 101 2x in college. And I use to hate writing. But as I have been blogging regularly over the last 6 month I have grown in my ability and have been loving it. For me as a Pastor it really has been a way for me to minister to other people (Joshua Lind has encouraged me greatly in this). Writing has helped me communicate more effectively to parents, students and others.
Hey Jeremy,
Yes, Joshua has been an enormous encouragement for me as well. And I greatly appreciate your blog too! I’m glad you didn’t give up and are pushing past the writing struggles. As we keep moving forward, it’s fun to think how much better both of us will be a year from now 🙂
Two things – one question and one kind of silly statement – help me when I feel indecisive about something that others may evaluate.
The question: “What’s the worst that could happen?” And when I play this out – I mean really go to even the absurd with it – it’s most often by far nothing of consequence (and usually boils down to my pride getting dented).
The silly statement: “They ain’t paying my bills!” A friend started me saying this, when I get caught up in what someone else might think about what I’m doing. This is usually just a different way of saying, “I don’t even know these people and I’ll always have critics, so go for it!”
And, yes, Jed – I’m glad you didn’t wait! We do get better as we do a thing. The best way to learn a language has always been immersion; and that holds true for our own. Use it. Play with it. Explore it. Do it regularly. And you can’t help but make strides.
Thanks Erik,
Great strategies! I heard the first one in a College Success course, I took years ago. I’ve used this tool a few times, and it’s a lot of fun. I remember one instance when asked, “What’s the worst that could happen?” In my absurd scenario, I lost my job, ended up broke and homeless… Then I smiled and thought to myself, “I’ll go work at Starbucks.” At the end of this scenario I made new friends, drank copious amounts of coffee, and sleep in a tent on the beach. I decided that if this was the worst that could happen, it wasn’t all that bad. It, made taking action, feel less intimidating.
Your silly statement is excellent too! I’m sure I’ll end up using this, and recommending it to others. I think what makes both of these ideas work is that they are fun. I can take myself too seriously, and a simple trick that lightens the mood, works wonders.
Finally, a huge thank you Erik for all of your encouragement and support along the way. I’ve leaned a ton from your spelling and grammar posts on Adam’s site. I also appreciate how you go the extra mile and help me clean some of the more noticeable errors. I would add one final strategy to your list. Good friends are an awesome way of pushing past the anxiety and overcoming weaknesses 🙂
Thanks Jon,
I sure appreciate all of your encouragement, and your honesty. Building an e-mail list is an area where growth is coming slowly for me too. I wonder if you and I are listening to some of the same webinars? The ones I’ve attended, provide a few, simple steps, and make e-mail growth sound a lot easier than it is.
The good news is that you’ve got my subscription. I’ve also enjoyed watching the steps you’ve been taking to get new subscribers. Lets collaborate on this soon. It’d enjoy connecting, hearing what is and isn’t working, and brainstorming ideas. And, at the very least, we can encourage one-another to ignore that pesky chatterbox 🙂
Hi Jed,
My guess is we are attending the same webinars, because they do make it sound easier than it is. I wonder if the pace of our progress is in some way tied to our niche.
Yes, let’s collaborate on this soon, share what’s working and what’s not and do some brainstorming.
Hey Jed,
I hear the negative chatterbox. It’s been a little louder lately than usual. Mostly because the end of the year is approaching and I’ve not even come close to achieving my stretch goal this year for my blog. I set a target for growing my subscriber list. I’m falling very short on hitting that mark.
The chatterbox is harassing me with doubts and discouragement.
I heard someone say recently that he was told to stop having a conversation with his fears. I liked that advice and have applied it to the chatterbox–I stop having conversations with chatterbox about the doubts and discouragement.
I’m grateful for your blog and that you’ve had the courage to keep pressing the submit button.
Hi would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with?
I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I
must say this blog loads a lot faster then most.
Can you suggest a good hosting provider at a fair price?
Many thanks, I appreciate it!