Becoming Mom in a Blended Family Home
I remember vividly the exact moment I realized that in my marriage, when we chose to get pregnant that I would be a first-time parent on my own because my husband had already been through all of this. Â We were sitting around the kitchen counter talking with my parents while visiting them in Minnesota. Â My parents were sharing about the day that I was born. Â How it felt to go through that and become parents together. Â How amazing it is to watch your spouse become a parent. Â And it hit me. Â My husband already has kids. Â He had already experienced the day of finding out your whole world is about to change because you are expecting, hearing the heartbeat for the first time, planning and preparing for your little one to join you, and finally that amazing moment of meeting your baby and becoming a parent for the first time. Â And he had done all of that without me.
When I found out I was pregnant, I was overjoyed, but it hit me again that I was experiencing this all for the first time on my own.  Don’t get me wrong.  My husband was right there with me the whole time.  He was supportive and excited about this new chapter in our lives.  And of course, I had been parenting my step-daughters for a year and a half at that point. I had prepared to take on a parenting role with my steps, which in many ways, resembled the way I prepared to welcome a new baby to our family.  So I was a mom, who was becoming a mom for the first time….again.  I was (and sometimes still am) confused.  Are you?
I muddled through being pregnant for the first time. Â And over the past few weeks, I have learned how to be a parent to an infant. Â All while my husband was a little more relaxed because he knew, to a certain extent at least, what to expect. Â But I also watched my husband’s face light up when he found out we were expecting and when he heard this baby’s heartbeat for the first time. Â I watched his joy when he felt her kicking for the first time.
Becoming Mom
And then this happened.
And I watched my husband become Addison’s dad.
And now I know nothing was stolen from me. Â At times I still catch myself feeling jilted because I missed this process with my steps. Â But that’s usually when I’m in a sleep-deprived-new-mommy state of mind. Â Because lets be honest, being a “first-time mom” with 2 other kids at home isn’t always easy. Â But then I watch my little family, and I am content knowing everything is as it should be.
What was the experience of becoming mom like for you? If you are in a blended family, is parenting your own children different than being a step-parent? Blended family life is quite an adventure. We would love to learn from your experiences and look forward to continuing the conversation in the comments below!
I think it doesn’t matter if it’s your first or third becoming a mom to each one of my little girls were unique and daunting all the same. Different issues, different anxieties and different experiences which I think creates the different relationships I have with each. Congratulations on becoming a mom again, for the first time. Beautiful reflection.
Interesting post. My husband already had children when I first became a mom. I didn’t feel any loss in that fact, but then, I was young and not very self-aware. Now, as a grandmother with a first grandchild, I watch my daughter and her husband navigate the huge demands of conscious parenting. They’re both learning at the same time, and it’s been a challenge to find their balance. Would it have been easier if one of them had the basics down? Perhaps. Of course, then one must add in the challenges of step-parenting! I suppose there is no perfect anything. We fashion lives of love with the clay we’re given – that’s the mystery and journey of life.
So true! There is no perfect anything. Despite the imperfections, our lives can hold profound beauty.
I can relate to this blended family story because I experienced my first child when my former spouse already had a school age child. Very much similar feelings and thoughts. I also can relate to how my wife must have felt when we had our first child and our second while I already had a 10 year old. Serves as a great reminder for me.
Kirby,
You have so much wisdom from you life experiences. I always enjoy these posts where I get a seek-peek into Jenny’s world too. I didn’t realize all that she was going though until I read this post. Which is–I think–a good reminder to us husbands that we need to ask and remain open to listening to our wives, as well as a reminder to wives, that there is much that we men won’t know, unless they choose to share it with us.
What a beautiful story. There is a different story with each one of my children and I cherish each one. With the first it was pure excitement and jittery feelings not knowing what was around the corner. My second was nervous-ness, wondering if I was really going to be able to love my second child as much as I adored and cherished my first. Am I able to contain or give away that much love? (Which of course, I found, my heart just grew with each new one! 🙂 My third was a prayer of “please, Lord, can I have one like me?” My first 2 are very heavily loaded with their daddy’s genes!” God answered my prayer and my third is a little me!! 🙂 My fourth was a complete shock and surprise… 10 years after my 3rd so adjustment was made and I’m so happy with my surprise blessing! I think for each child the story and feelings are different and in each case we grow, love and find out new things!
Thanks for sharing this story with us! (Your neighbor at Inspire Me Monday)
Rachel isn’t that so true? Each time we become mom to a new child it’s a completely different experience. I am now 6 months pregnant with our second/fourth daughter = ) and once again it’s a completely different journey then becoming Addison’s mom, or becoming a stepmom. It’s amazing how our hearts and families grow – a truly beautiful process!
What a beautiful look into your family. I never thought about what it would be like to become a first time mom in a blended family. Thank you for this sweet peak into what it was like.
I was in the same situation. My husband has two older boys and then our daughter. But she was adopted so in some ways it was all brand new to both of us. She was so early that it was frantic and exciting. But he missed the early days for both boys and got to be home for the first two weeks with her. Being a step parent was a good training ground, but not quite the same as the 24/7ness of having my own and intense responsibility of this little life.
Jennifer yes, the stepmom role is so different from being completely responsible for a new little one. Congratulations on adopting! That’s another difficult and beautiful process, something I would love to explore one day. What a blessing to a little one in need.
Oh, such a touching story. As you can see no matter the situation in which a family is formed, if love is present in the family, love will rule. While reading the story, I could feel your love for all of the children in your family as the new baby took its place in each of your hearts.
Thank you for your kind words Mary! I am truly blessed.
Becoming a mother was definitely hard work – and I felt like I could conquer the world afterwards! But we had waited a while to have kids and I was older when we got married so I was totally ready for it!
Haha Danielle – we make tiny humans!! That’s a pretty huge thing to be able to say and I’m with you 100%. After going through a pregnancy, and dont even get me started on the delivery….I absolutely agree, we women can do amazing things!!
Lovely post. My daughter has a blended family and her husband is an awesome step dad to my granddaughter. I so admire people that love other people’s children. Super blessing.
This is so wonderful! And congratulations! Thank you for sharing about your experience in a blended family home-I think it’s wonderful that you are able to share this parenting-and-infant time with your husband 🙂 The experience of becoming a mom has been kind of surreal and very exciting for me, so far! I’m only 19 weeks along in my first pregnancy, so it’s still all very new as my husband and I learn different things about pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting. I’m excited to see how this adventure unfolds 🙂
Congratulations AnneMarie! It’s an incredible adventure – there is nothing like it. Especially with the first pregnancy everything is so new and exciting. Cherish this time. Sending prayers for a healthy pregnancy!
Something I haven’t experienced. Your family looks precious and made me miss my own littles who are quite grown up!
Sweet story. I don’t have a blended family story, but I do have three children and the differences in each experience has helped me to realize that the only thing that’s constant, and therefore the most important thing, is love. So thankful you have such a precious story to tell!
(stopping by from Inspire Me Monday)
I’m not a mom but the joy of becoming a father is so special to me. Gives me a glimpse into what God’s love for us must be like. I’m so thankful for our two little ones!
Love this story Jen. Truly love it. Straight from the heart. Sharing on Instagram today from Tuesday Talk as my pick of the day!
Love this! Such an honest sharing of your heart. I had my kids young, and just now are my good friends having their first (my oldest is in grade school…) and I keep telling them that each time is special and unique and not to compare – love hearing your story!
Jenn and Jed, this is such a sweet post. I have found when you experience something with someone who hasn’t experienced that thing before it becomes like a first time for both of you. Am I wrong? I’m guessing Jed had those first time feelings seeing the pregnancy with you through your eyes.
Thanks for joining us today on #RaRaLinkUp. And may God bless your growing family!
Hey Christy,
Absolutely! I’ll always remember the joy of seeing little Addison for the very first time, and the joy of watching Jenny meet Addison–It was awesome!
Whatever the experience for those involved, the most important outcome is the family that is created. It is precious. Ordinary people, who in our hearts become extraordinary. Such an important thing to have a supportive partner to hold you up through the doubts and emotion x
I loved your story and could understand the worries and concerns, but your older daughters love you, and were happy with the first new baby as you became Mom (on your own.) We took my husband’s half brother into our home when he was 12 (the same age as our son.) A couple years later we took Nancy, as a Foster Daughter at age 13 and she lived with us for 5 years until she got married. Daughters seem to bond to mom more so than sons. (My opinion) Nancy say, I am her mom and my husband is her dad. Our girls count her as their sister. Thank you for sharing with us here at Tell me a True Story. http://letmetelluastory.blogspot.com/
What a blessing Hazel. I find we really do create our own family. It’s how we choose to open our hearts and our homes that matters the most. Thank you for visiting!
Congrats on combining your sites, and also on your newest blessing on the way! We are never prepared for what being a Mom or a parent means. That first night home from the hospital with a newborn is probably the scariest moment ever! My sister just had her first baby a few months ago, and her husband has a five year old from a previous marriage. She learned how very different an infant is to a five year old, but she is an awesome Mom and Step Mom, and its been awesome to see the Lord work in their lives. Thanks for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you link up again this week 🙂
Thanks again for sharing with #SocialButterflySunday! Hope to see you all link up again this week 🙂
Such a sweet post Jen. I loved all the pictures, especially the hands and little feet. I love little feet. Thank you for sharing your heart with friends at Sitting Among Friends on Wednesdays.
I can’t begin to tell you how eye opening this post was for me! Thanks for putting this out there for blended families. I want to be sensitive to this kind of thing, and you made me aware of an aspect that I had completely missed!
I have never thought about this perspective, but I’m so glad that you realized that there were plenty of new, first time moments with your child as a couple and as a family. So glad to visit your site today as a linky neighbor. I enjoyed this so much.
Jen, our children are all grown now, some with grown children of their own. But we are a blended family, too. Thanks for sharing so opening and lovingly about your experience. Visiting today from Snippets of Inspiration. Blessings!
I remember my first pregnancy well. Now I’m a mom to four. Each pregnancy carries different thrills and “first experiences”; after all, each child is unique. Each pregnancy and delivery is unique! I’m sure your husband experienced some “firsts” for this child too 🙂
beautiful post! I am nominating you as my favorite. 🙂 Thanks for sharing at Turn it Up Tuesday at anujajain.wordpress.com
There are so many different kinds of families these days, and I think yours is just perfect. My husband and I both were married with children before we married, and I sometimes feel sad we didn’t have children together. But then I remember he’s the best father I could imagine to my children and things are the way they should be. Your family is beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us at the Best of the Blogosphere!
Hi Jed and Jen, every time I click here there is always a story of hope you share…no kidding.
Love you guys loads!
Thanks for sharing your story with us and in a hearty way too…
Hugs and Sweet Blessings to you
Awww, thanks Ifeoma. Your are always so encouraging 🙂
loved reading your story so very happy to see a happy family life is too busy and sometimes we miss stories like this
come see us at http://shopannies.blogspot.com
You have a beautiful family. What a sweet memory of all your family together. Thanks for linking up at Family Joy Blog Link Up Party. We hope we see you next week.