In Matthew 7:7, Jesus said, “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened to you.” Then, in Luke 18, Jesus tells a parable about a persistent widow. This widow asked a judge for justice—day after day—to the point of pestering. Finally, she wore him out, and the judge granted the widow’s request. What I find fascinating is that Jesus told this parable is so that His disciples would say motivated, always pray, and not lose heart. It is almost as if Jesus was saying, “It’s OK to ask. And, if you reach the point that you think you are pestering God, then you are doing it right!” [Tweet “God highly encourages us to cry-out to Him both day and night!”]
Why We Don’t Ask
Like many people, I don’t like asking for help.
- I don’t like asking because I don’t want to be a burden to others.
- Also, I don’t like asking because I’m afraid that people will see me as needy or incapable.
- I don’t ask because I’m afraid that asking again will demonstrate a lack of faith. A spiritual person will pray once and then trust God. He or she won’t need to keep asking. This is the bad advice that I sometimes give myself.
- Finally, I don’T ask because IÂ don’t like it when others say, “no.”
In short, I am good at convincing myself not to ask for help. Yet, when we don’t ask, we don’t get. When you and I fail to make our needs known, others cannot support us and cheer us on. Sometimes we fall into the trap of convincing ourselves that if someone really loves us, they will know exactly what we need. Of course, expecting others to read our minds is the perfect setup for disappointment. [Tweet “Although asking can be difficult, it’s also a good and spiritual thing to do.”]
Asking and The Aladdin Factor
This week, the topic of asking is fresh on my mind. I just finished listening to The Aladdin Factor by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. What makes this audio-book unique is that Jack and Mark co-read it together, which sounds very much like an engaging conversation. Although you’re not supposed to judge a book by its cover, I often do. The magic lamp and the name “The Aladdin Factor” were almost enough to cause me to pass over this powerful personal growth tool.
I’m not a fan of self-help books that over promise and under deliver, and any book with a magic-lamp on the cover makes me highly suspicious. Although there were a few times the book did overdo things, the overall message is that asking is hard work. Asking is also a skill that improves with practice. The authors also make it clear that there is no formula for 100% asking success. Instead:
- Successful people ask for advice.
- Bloggers who succeed reach out for new connections.
- Successful writers ask for help and team-up for big projects.
If fact, most everyone who succeeds will ask over and over again. My favorite takeaway from the book is the formula SW x4. It stands for, “Some will. Some won’t. So what? Someone’s waiting.” The formula looks like this:
Some Will: When you and I ask, some people will say yes! Asking allows other people to help. Last year, our family faced some overwhelming challenges. Jenny and I asked our friends, family, and fellow bloggers to pray with us through our storm. In the weeks that followed, Jenny and I were amazed at how God answered our prayers and provided for our needs. Jack and Mark are right. When we ask, some people will jump at the opportunity to help.
Some Won’t: Asking and being told “no” is normal. Sometimes the word no means, no for now. Other times it means, I would like to help but am unable. There are also times it means, I am not interested at all. The bottom line is that asking and being told “no,” is normal. So if you’re a writer or blogger, don’t be afraid to experiment with your ask.
So What?: This line reminds me that being told “no,” is not a big deal. I have a friend who often says, “I think you should ask. The very worst that will happen is that you will be told ‘no.'” And if someone says “no,” so what? When we ask, we also allow others to say, “yes!” When we ask, there is the possibility of moving toward our goals! [Tweet “When we ask, being told “no,” is part of the journey to finding people who say “yes!””]
Someone’s Waiting: In The 17 Indisputable Laws of Teamwork, John Maxwell states [Tweet “Nothing of significance was ever achieved by an individual acting alone. ~John Maxwell”] Accomplishing big goals requires teamwork. Someone is waiting to team-up with you. Someone has similar goals as you and can’t wait to dive in. That thing that you dread doing is someone else’s passion. Someone is literally sitting on the edge of their seat, waiting for you to ask!
The Art of Asking
The Aladdin Factor reminded me that there is an art to asking. Good asking is much more than spamming the internet with a product or service. [Tweet “Good asking is mutually beneficial.”] Good asking helps others see why they should team-up with you. In marriage, asking serves as a connection point between husband and wife. I like it when Jenny asks for help directly. I love saying “yes!” And it’s nice to know that what I am doing is actually helpful—and not something that I think is helpful but isn’t what she needs at all.
[Tweet “When we ask in the right way, everyone wins!”]
Asking For Bloggers
This week, I was reminded that it is okay to ask.
- Ask for help when you need it.
- Ask your fellow bloggers to pray for you when you are hurting.
- Ask for an interview.
- Ask for technical support.
- Ask for advice.
- Ask others to leave a comment, write a review, or purchase your product.
Not everyone will say yes, but some will. Chances are, someone wants to help, and someone wants what you have to offer. They are simply waiting for you to ask.
Do you find it easy or difficult to ask others for help, and like me, are you sometimes guilty of not asking enough? What can your fellow bloggers help you with right now, and how can we best pray for you? Please feel free to leave your “ask” in the comments below. I can’t wait to hear from you!
P.S. For more creative writing ideas, you can dive into individualized coaching with me. I’ll pull back the curtain and show you all of my favorite writing strategies. You can also check out my book Ten Great Ideas for Authors, where you will discover creative writing prompts and strategies to jump-start your author journey. I truly believe you are only one great idea away from writing success! Â
Thanks for the party this week! Asking for help…this has been difficult for me over the years, but certain things get easier as you get older and this is one area which has. WE all need help and there is no shame in asking when we do. Great post!
Great point. There really is no shame in reaching out to others. We just need to stop convincing ourselves that there is. Thanks for joining in the link-up!
Thanks for hosting! I really hate too ask for help! And, this is something I am working on. Thanks, I needed this!
Thanks Debbie,
This is area I’m working hard to grow in too. I’m glad others are on this journey with me 🙂
Great post, Jed. Thanks for reminding us that it isn’t a weakness to ask. On that note, I have to explain why I am sharing two posts. The first one is a book review I did for a couple who have a ministry designed to help couples enjoy strong unions. It’s from a real couple who share real-life advice. I share it because the authors sought me out and ASKED me if I would be willing to review. The second one I shared is part of my Year of Listening Up series. This month’s topic is on dreaming big (and “foolish”) for God. I haven’t gotten the traction that I had hoped for this month. The topic is one I was really looking forward to, so I am a little bummed. If would be grateful for anyone to give it a read. If you are so lead, share your “God-sized” dream in the comments. That would be super cool. Blessings and thanks!
Hey Chad,
Thanks for dropping by and for sharing both posts in the link-up! The marriage book sounds fantastic too. I’m always on the lookout for good marriage and relationships books!
I am guilty of not asking Him or turning to Him for more! Thank you for this reminder!
Great post! Asking has always been difficult for me.
Excellent points! Real strength comes from working with others – not from seeing how much you can do alone. It is not efficient, and it is not as helpful to those around us either.
This is just the encouragement I needed today. I have a technical question and hesitated to ask a fellow blogger because I didn’t want to bother her, but you are so right: When we ask in the right way, everyone wins!! Thank you for writing and hosting the link-up.
God bless you for reminding me of this scripture this afternoon! It is very timely. Thanks for sharing and for hosting! Hope you all have a wonderful weekend 🙂
Yesterday I got a call from my son’s school because he hit his forehead on the ledge of the dry erase board while trying to pick something up for a girl (awe). The school nurse thought he needed stitches. My 10-year-old, tried to hold back his tears because he was terrified of getting stitches. I prayed for him and told him it’s ok to cry, let it out, lol. He didn’t need stitches. After the appointment, I asked him if he was praying that he didn’t need stitches. He said he never thought about praying because He didn’t want to ask God for anything. He said he always thinks he should just pray for other people. It was a great chance to tell him that he can tell God anything and ask him for help whenever He needs because God loves Him. Your post is such a great reminder that we can not only ask God for help, but other people!
Happy Friday!!!
Thanks so much for hosting 🙂
Isn’t it crazy how much is in that one verse?!
I am so guilty of not asking for help… mostly because I don’t like to hear the “no”… but that is not really a reason to not ask. Thanks for your insights and recommendation on the book too. I Enjoying linking up each week. Blessings
Yeah, I’m not good at asking for help. Interestingly enough, it’s gotten easier with the Internet and social media. But in real life? That’s hard for me. My husband’s cancer journey taught me to ask and accept help (but it wasn’t easy), but I’ve kind of gotten back into the ‘I can do it myself’ mode. I ask for prayers for direction on my book proposal.
Everything you said hit home so hard today. I am so bad about asking for help in any capacity! However, the more time I spend raising my children the more I realize how much I need to rely on others, and this also goes for my writing and my learning. The Aladdin Factor is another one I look forward to adding to my list. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for hosting the party this week.
Hey Jed,
I don’t ask enough. One reason is that I get disappointed when people or God say No. I like the statement “No is normal.” If I believe that, when I get a Yes, it’ll be extra special!
It’s hard to take the plunge and ask for help – but it can have such huge benefits, and produce a much better end result, I find. 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing over at #FridayFrivolity
I always liked that lady who kept asking and asking. I think children know the power of persistent asking the best, don’t you think?
I think Hannah is another example of persistence in her request for a child.
For me, asking for help is very difficult and I’m very stubborn too. I’ve gotten better with age (as my son tells me), but it is still a challenge.
Added a post to your linky, but not sure if I can participate often as I blog about ‘blogging’ LOL. The motivational post I added is actual something I just started doing. I’m testing it out right now.
thanks for this – i’ll ask today! great post.
I belong to a wonderfully supportive blogging group and we constantly encourage people to ask questions. I have picked up so many great tips and often found out I am not alone about being confused about things (which may not have solved my problem but helped me by lowering my anxiety).
I always look forward to seeing what you share with us on #FridayFrivolity. Thanks for sharing.
Guilty, guilty, guilty. Oh, so guilty. I don’t want to “bug” anyone. It bleeds over into real life, too. I do see the value. The Bible talks about the “two or three together.” I need to start practicing asking.
Fantastic advice. I was surprised with my boldness (and very excited) when I asked a speaker at an event I attended recently to write a guest post on my blog. She said yes!!
People often think that if someone ask for help, that makes them weak. When actually it’s the other way around. People who work up the nerve and ask for help are some of the strongest people I know. I had an employer tell me this last week in an interview, honestly I almost cried because that hit a nerve in what I’ve been struggling with, with the fear of asking for help and being ashamed.
So true, Jed. We all need to learn from where others have tread. Great encouragement, my friend and thanks for the linkup!
Thanks for hosting. Sorry I am late.
Great post. As a kid, when I asked for help I was usually punished or told how stupid I was. So, I pretty much learned not to ask. At school, I was usually made fun of by teachers-“You are supposed to be smart but you ask dumb”, at work some will say “You are stupid loser”, “You are so dumb”.
So I pretty much have learned to figure out things and to educate myself on most everything. Asking for help is something that I have an issue with.
Also, I have figured out that those who have and continue to make fun of me for asking questions are actually deep down afraid of their own not knowing.
I am a definite work in progress! So much better at asking for help, but I now struggle with really defining where I need the help! Maybe it is a sign of poor reflecting skills 🙂
Thanks so much for hosting this link-up each week!
I think I sometimes don’t ask for help out of embarrassment, feeling like I should already know something. But, specifically when it comes to blogging, there’s so much to know and learn. Also, I never mind or look down on people when they ask for help. I love how you say successful people ask for help!
“I don’t ask because I’m afraid that asking again will demonstrate a lack of faith. A spiritual person will pray once and then trust God. He or she won’t need to keep asking. This is the bad advice that I sometimes give myself.” — This hit me right between the eyes on another situation. 🙂
I have read that book and it changed my perspective in many ways. But, in actual practice, I’ve not been asking enough. And, I know the reason: I hate to hear people say no. But, lately, I’ve been working on myself to understand that others are waiting to say yes, even if a couple of people say no. And that I should stop taking rejections personal. It’s been a battle for me. But, I’m striving on a daily basis.