Happily married couples keep doing the same types of loving actions after they are married that they did before they said, “I do.” When my brother asks me what my plans are for the weekend, I will jokingly reply, “I’m going to lay on the couch, watch action movies, and eat junk food. I’ve attracted my wife, so there is no reason to stay in shape or go out anymore.” Before judging me too harshly, rest assured that this is not something that I would actually do. I love spending time with Jenny and our daughters. In fact, it’s one of my favorite things to do! A day at the beach walks to the park, and family meals are far more appealing to me than vegging out on the couch. I am well aware that happily married couples actively engage in happy marriage habits. These habits are the ones that most couples easily engage in while dating.
Sadly, there are far too many couples who live out what I like to sarcastically joke about. On the other hand, there are also spouses–much like myself–who fall into the opposite trap of overworking. Yep, I have plenty of my own faults that I am trying to overcome too. Whether you’re a spouse who tends to work too hard or check out of life, here are seven happy marriage habits that you likely did before tying the knot that you will want to keep going after the wedding is over.
Happy Marriage Habit #1: Keep Putting Your Best Foot Forward
Dating couples are on their best behavior. They attentively listen, laugh at each other’s jokes, and choose to believe the best about each other. Married couples are more honest, raw, and real. This can be a good thing. In marriage, there is certainly a time and a place for raw emotions and serious conversation. But don’t forget to keep putting your best foot forward too. Marriage is not an excuse to spend the weekend lounging on the couch, eating potato chips. Happily married couples continue to keep putting their best foot forward.
Happy Marriage Habit #2: Catch the Foxes
Song of Solomon 2:15 says, “Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” “Catch the little foxes” is another way of saying, “Let the little things go.” Tiny foxes ruin a vineyard, and small grudges can ruin a marriage. The second happy marriage habit is to choose to see the best in your spouse by letting the small stuff go!
Happy Marriage Habit #3: Have Fun
Dating is fun, and marriage needs to be fun too. Don’t stop laughing, joking, and having fun together after the wedding. Marriage doesn’t have to be fun all of the time, but it does need to be fun some of the time. What actions are you taking to keep the joy in your relationship alive?
Happy Marriage Habit #4: Say, “I love you.”
This should be a given. However, I once heard about a couple who decided to save time by simply deciding to assume that love was present until one of them said otherwise. Don’t be that couple! Make the words “I love you,” along with compliments and affirmations, a daily habit.
Happy Marriage Habit #5: Fill Your Spouse’s Love-Bank
Happy couples make love-bank deposits daily. For creative ideas on how to fill your spouse’s love-bank, check out the following posts:
- Say “I love You” with 51 Creative Love-Bank Fillers
- Filling Your Spouse’s Love-Bank with Penny Investments
Happy Marriage Habit #6: Keep Dating
Dating gets more challenging when children arrive. But don’t let this stop you. The arrival of kids only means that more creativity is required. Set a regular date night, find a good babysitter, and learn how to engage in fun date night activities after the kiddos have gone to be (because after kids, sometimes a night on the town simply takes up too much energy). With a little creativity and practice, dating can be even more fun after marriage!”
Happy Marriage Habit #7: Keep Asking Good Questions
Happy couples stay curious about their spouse. I once heard intimacy defined as in-to-me-see. Intimacy is the ability to peer into our partner’s inner world. This week, I’m promoting my book 131 Creative Conversations For Couples. I wrote this book as a resource for both dating and married couples. Bring it on your next date night, or keep it on your phone and pull it out the next time there is a lull in the conversation. It’s a great date night tool that will help you and your spouse stay curious and dive into each other’s inner world. You can get your copy here!
Which of these happy marriage habits are you good at? What areas do you need to continue growing in? What would you add to this list? I look forward to continuing the conversation in the comments below!
I love “Keep Putting Your Best Foot Forward.” So often we stop trying. We are so tired and exhausted from raising kids that we don’t use our energy to put our best foot forward. I get caught in that trap sometimes. But then I realize I need to make an effort and really think about what I can do to serve my husband think about his needs more than mine. I’m visiting from RaRaCheerleader link-up. Happy to be your neighbor.
Love this, Jed: “choose to see the best in your spouse by letting the small stuff go.” Giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt and assuming the best makes such a big difference in marriage and in life.
Thanks for sharing. : )
As you know, Jed, my wife and I have been together for twenty years, so holding down a successful relationship is actually one of the few things I’ve managed to do right in my life! As such, I second all the tips you provide here. As an addendum to #4, I would also encourage couples to take time, at least once a day, to stop what they’re doing and embrace each other. Just pause your daily activity — it isn’t so important you can’t take a minute-long break — and steal a moment to feel the other person in your arms: their bodily warmth, their heartbeat, their breath, the grip of their own arms around you. You might be surprised, when you make the effort to do it, just how long it’s been since the last time such deliberate contact occurred. By physically reconnecting once a day, you are emotionally reconnecting, as well. Hugging like that is a reminder, if nothing else, of the other person’s simple existence — of their presence in your life and in the space you share together.
The other thing Kristin and I practice — not always successfully, but we make a conscious, concerted effort to try — is for each one to shoulder a heavier burden than the other. In other words, I try to take as much off her plate as I can, and she does the same for me. In the end, it’s usually a wash (most days), but just knowing that somebody else has your back — that they’re more interested in making your life easier than their own — is affirmation that no obstacle exists that can’t be surmounted through selfless teamwork. Your spouse should be the best friend and most loyal partner you ever have in this life, so treat them as such. Far from taking the last twenty years with Kristin for granted, I can’t believe I was lucky enough — smart enough — to hold onto her.
great tips..needed to read this today!
Jed you have great tips! My husband and I think it’s very important to not slack just because we are married! Christ first then us!
I love this post. I too think it’s so important to have fun! And, asking good questions. All of these point are important!
Hey Jed,
My wife would say I’m good at saying I love you and at filling her love bank. I’d like to have more dates. I need to do something about that. Also, I could ask more questions–I’m looking forward to using your book.
I created my own list of happy-marriage habits a while back.
http://www.jonbeaty.com/7-secrets-to-a-long-and-happy-marriage-for-christian-couples/
Love your great ideas to keep love fresh and new in marriage! Thanks for inspiring me to make the most of the hours I get with my spouse.
What amazing tips on happy marriage habits, I must say you are very right about catching then foxes…! I used to be one for keeping grudges and going on about non essential stuff,…it made me feel less content about my marriage and One day I went reading proverbs and learning to love the lil things and let em go as well…It saved my marriage! Also its important for married couples to remember the Grass is greener where you water it…so keeping these amazing tips close and in practice is key. Thanks for sharing them on the Bloggers Pit stop!
I appreciate the wisdom you’ve shared here. I think putting your best foot forward in marriage is so critical, especially when it comes to giving each other the benefit of the doubt. Unfortunately, it’s easy to assume the worst about each other when we’re feeling frustrated, neglected, or overwhelmed. Thanks for encouraging us to work on our marriages, and for sharing this with us at Grace & Truth!
Great list! I always tell people to – keep flirting! Stay playful and winsome like you were when you were dating. Sure it isn’t possible 100% of the time but keeping it in mind helps. I also like – catch the foxes!
Hi Jed, The Pit Stop Crew are going to FEATURE this post at the next Blogger’s Pit Stop. Congratulations on a practical helpful post.
Awesome! Thank you Kathleen. What an honor and I can’t wait to drop by later this week!