Becoming happily married is an ongoing process and not a one-time event. All good fairy tales end with the heroic couple living happily ever after. These fairytales get many things right, and science has confirmed what fairytales have proclaimed all along. Married couples can, indeed, be among the happiest couples on earth!
For example, we now know that a close connection with our loved one
- makes life’s bright moments brighter
- keeps us physically and mentally healthier
- causes physical and emotional pain to hurt less
The Path to Happiness
What fairy tales don’t tell us is that becoming happily married requires ongoing effort. The act of marriage is only the beginning of a much greater adventure. After saying, “I do,” couples will have many more dragons to slay. Some of these dragons include:
The Dragon of Busyness:
A warm, caring connection is key to a happy marriage, and this means that ongoing business will not do. Relationships are a lot like air, food, shelter, and water. To our human brain, they are a survival need. Becoming happily married requires uninterrupted moments in each other’s presence.
The Dragon of Disconnect:
All couples experience moments of disconnect but staying separated for long periods of time hurts. In fact, the same area of the brain lights up when a couple experiences physical and emotional pain. This is why happy couples learn to forgive and reconnect fast.
Relationship researcher, John Gottman, is known for his ability to predict which relationships will succeed and which will fail with an astounding 91 percent accuracy. John does this by looking at four gears that drive disconnection. These gears include criticism, contempt, blame, and stonewalling. These destructive practices generate a more intense and longlasting disconnect than any other action.
The Dragon of Knowledge Alone
It’s funny to call “knowledge” a dragon. Yet, in our information-saturated age, an abundance of facts isn’t always an advantage. Becoming happily married requires ongoing action. The danger of knowing too much is that it can lead to doing too little. When the dragon of knowledge alone is present, sound marriage advice is quickly dismissed with the words, “I already know that.”
Becoming Happily Married
Whether your relationship is surviving or thriving, there are always opportunities to grow one’s happiness. This is why I wrote my newest book, Joyfully Married! The goal of this book is to help couples deepen their relationship daily. If you one small step to better your relationship, each day for thirty days, just imagine how much the two of you would grow!
This book makes being happily married easier by breaking down crucial principles into simple action steps. Every chapter begins with a short teaching, which is followed by a challenge. Couples who enjoy the Joyfully Married book can then connect with other couples committed to growth in the Joyfully Married Community.
Instead of waiting to be happily married, take action! The Average couple lives in quiet desperation, wondering when their pain will end. Happily married couples break out of average by creating daily moments of connection.
As you can see, it is important for average couples to focus on their relationship because, in marriage, being average isn’t good enough. You can joindive deeper into this idea in the video below.
Connecting Daily
So, how do you and your loved one stay connected through life’s ups and downs? What works and what doesn’t work well for you? I’d enjoy hearing your thoughts in the comments below. I wish you many amazing connecting moments on your ongoing journey of becoming happily married!
P.S. Money and finances can make or break a marriage. If you’d like to dive deeper into your partner’s inner world, especially in regards to money, finances, and savings, then be sure to check out these creative conversation starters for couples: Conversation Starters About Money, Finances, and Saving.
