The average family spends less than eight hours together each week. Sadly, much of this time is squandered in front of the television, computer, or smart-phones–all activities where minimal engagement takes place. I wrote my latest book, 131 Creative Conversations For Families, because quality family time matters! Family time is when children and parents connect on a deep level. Psychologists often refer to this as attachment, and a secure attachment produces a lifetime of benefits. But before diving in, lets first examine what a secure attachment is all about.
What Is a Secure Attachment?
A securely attached child finds comfort and security in his or her parents. Mom and dad are a a home-base, or a safe haven, whom the child run to when distressed. In secure relationships, children soak-up the comfort and nurture they needed. Then they explore the world with confidence.
In adults, a secure attachment means that both partners feel safe enough to share their inner worlds with each other. Secure adults have true intimacy, or in-to-me-see. A securely attached couple will disagree and argue, just like any other couple. The difference is that both partners truly care about one another and believe that their partner also has their best interest at heart. Even if a spat does result in a short period of disconnection, like Velcro, the two will soon come together again.
Why Does Secure Attachment Matter?
According to Early Attachment and Long-Term outcomes:
- During the preschool years… children who had been securely attached as infants are happier and more socially skilled, competent, compliant, and empathetic than children who were insecurely attached as infants.
- During adolescence, securely attached children make friends easier, and have more friends.
- During the teen years, dating relationships last longer, and are more likely to be in a leadership position when with their peers.
- Finally, securely attached adults report a higher over-all level of happiness.
For me, having a secure attachment with Jenny means that no matter how difficult life becomes, I know that I always have someone in my corner. Jenny is the first person I call when I succeed, and when I fail. I know she won’t kick me when I’m down, and am confidant that no matter how big the challenges–and as a blended family, we have plenty of them–the two of us will make it though them together. Our relationship truly is a safe have in the midst of life’s storms.
How Do Secure Attachments Develop?
The goal of the 131 Creative Conversation Series is to provide couples and families with the opportunity to practice connecting in a secure manner. Secure families know that they can share their thought, are confidant that they will be heard, understood, and will continue to be loved by the family even if not everyone sees things exactly the same way. [Tweet “Secure families love each other with no strings attached.”]
Secure families can have the ability to discuss–and even heatedly discuss–differences without fear of rejection. At the end of the day, everyone knows that they are loved. It is amazing how much us parents learn about our children when we take the time to listen. It’s also amazing how much our children will listen and learn from us, when engage them in conversation. Lecturing, leads kids to tune-out adults. Conversations build relationships and often lead to positive life changes. [Tweet “A simple way to build secure attachment at home, is through creative family conversations.”]
Attachment Building Conversations
131 Creative Conversations For Families is divided into 13 chapters. Each chapter begins with an introduction to a Christ-honoring family value. This is followed by ten discussion starters that support families in having value-based conversations. Here are some of my favorite conversation starters from the book:
Fun Conversation Starter #1: If you could have any super power, what would it be? How would you use this power to serve others? How would you use it to help yourself?
Gritty Conversation Starter #11: Imagine that a close friend is failing a class at school, and comes to you for advice. What study tips would you give your friend? What kinds of personal advice would you provide?
Spiritual Conversation Starter #62: If you could travel back in time, and have lunch with one Biblical character–other than Jesus–who would you eat with, and why?
Career Conversation Starter #104: Do you think attending college is important? Why, or why not? What college might you want to attend in the future?
How Do I Get A Copy of 131 Creative Conversations For Families?
131 Creative Conversations For Families, is available on Amazon. You can order a paperback copy today or pre-order the e-book, which will be available on June 27! The links to the two different formats are below:
Paperback: 131 Creative Conversations For Families
eBook: 131 Creative Conversations For Families
Can I Get a Free Copy?
This is my first time launching a $0.99 eBook. Because of Amazon’s KDP Select policies, I’m not allowed to give away free eBooks. I am, however, able to give out free review copies. If you would be interested in reading this book and leaving a rating and review on Amazon I would love to e-mail you a copy. And know that even short reviews are acceptable and very much appreciated! Simply e-mail me at jed@coffeeshopconversations.com, and let me know you would like a copy for review!
For more great conversation starters, be sure to check out our post entitled Conversation Starters about Money, Finances, and Saving. You’ll find over a hundred thought-provoking questions to help you grow!
Finally, I would love to hear more from you! How are you building secure attachments at home? Did you try out the creative conversation starters with your family, and if so, what did you think? What is one of the best value-based conversations that you had with your children? I can’t wait to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
Family, Friendship, and Faith Link-Up
This link-up is an excellent place to meet new friends, network, and share your posts. Please feel free to include any family, friendship, and faith related posts. If you have time, please visit some of the other submissions, leave a comment, and make some new connections–after all, this is what teaming-up is all about!
Finally, I’d love it if you would grab a button for your site, or link back to the Family Friendship and Faith Fridays, link-up, in order to make it easy for others to join in!
[Tweet “I’m Teaming-up at the #Family #Friendship and #Faith link-up. Join the Party! “]
Thanks for hosting! Enjoy the weekend.
Family conversations like this are always great, from the time we have small children until long after our children are grown and on their own. Thanks for sharing your resource.
Such a great point Lisa. I also hope to keep these conversations with my four girls going throughout our lifetime. It will be fun to see how these discussions develop as my girls get older.
These look like great topics!! Heading off to check out your e-book. Glad I linked up over at Susan’s this morning! Blessings!
Thanks Liz, I sure appreciate the encouragement 🙂
Congrats on your new book, Jed! I appreciate your words and the work you are doing to support families. Praying all the success in the world on you and this project.
Thanks Sarah, it was fun to write and it’s exciting to finally see it in print. And thank you again, extra prayer is always very much appreciated!
Thank you for hosting the link-up today! It’s nice to be back. I love your conversation starter ideas!
What a great resource for people with young families. The sample questions you posted are right on! I tried to think which Biblical character I’d like to have lunch with. I think Dorcas would be one. She was such a practical encourager.
That 8 hour statistic really made me stop and think about our own family time. We spend a lot of time together, but it often isn’t ‘quality’ time which is something I want to work on.
Thanks so much for sharing over at #FridayFrivolity!
I really liked this article. Famity time is so important. My husband and I don’t even watch TV because we would rather make memories together.
Now that we have a little one we are trying to be more purposeful about the time spent together. No cell phones, tv is limited, etc. We try to encourage conversation at dinner and grow our spiritual life as a family, together. Even though our little one is 5 months, it’s never too early.
Great decision, Allison. Infants mat not recall words or details, but the DO “recall” and build upon how they feel: secure, confused, neglected, fearful. They are also learning patterns of what “normal” means. What a wonderful “normal” you’re creating!
Hey Jed,
Congrats and thanks for creating this great resource for families. Family bonding lays a strong foundation for kids and parents to thrive.
Way to advocate for stronger families and better conversation. How important is this!
This is a wonderful concept. Families do need to spend more quality time together to have more enriching and meaningful relationships. Thanks for sharing and for hosting! Hope you all are having an amazing weekend 🙂
Great post, Jed, as always! Your statistic about families is rather disturbing and makes me sad, tho. I’m looking forward to reading your book – and hoping it seriously helps reverse the trend.
I know I’M going to use it in our home. Planning on using the “fun” and “spiritual” ones at our Father’s Day table tonite 😉
That sounds like a good topic for a book.. Would love to look it up on Amazon..
One large family whose kids I mentored up until just a year or so ago had what they called F³: “Forced Family Fun.” The entire family was “required” to play board games, have read-alouds from a novel, etc. Sometimes, this erupted into mayhem such as impromptu tickling heaps.
No one was allowed to make other plans, watch favorite shows, or anything else that would interfere with F³ night. If a wedding, prom or other momentous occasion fell on F³ night, they changed nights that week. I remember the kids scuffing their toes and rolling their eyes a lot early on. “I can’t do anything tonight,” they’d sigh to friends. It’s Forced Family Fun night.”
I noticed, however, that, by the time they were all teens, if the parents tried to make other plans on F³ night, were just too worn out from work, all of the kids would pester them until they gave in: “No! It’s F³ night!” Even when the parents later started being able to plan “just-us” vacations together (can you younger parents even imagine?), the kids — even those who’d now moved away to surrounding towns — demanded that they make it up and have two F³ nights after they returned.
The last two (twins) are halfway through college now. All of them have moved away from home. But whenever possible, they still call each other up and plan convergence on their parents for F³ nights.
If you’re implementing your own version of F³ nights or conversations a bit late in the game, I encourage you to wade through the sighs and eye rolls. It’s worth it.